"Dark night of the soul" by Jessica Lee McMillan
On a dark train strung with broken shadows crowds wading channels resigned, on same tracks I’m struck then woken I hear nothing but rushing discord, I speed myopically toward the dark night
heart tossing, aching chest a beat held out of life it’s like sinking wet ash where the meaning has left
stunned, like an insect swatted, mostly dead lying cracked, bleeding under empty glass living not being
pre-dawn mist clinging condensing within detritus raining in my darkening underworld gleaming
numb stone has whetted indifference to death cold currents, white hands void light envelops
this perverse creation reflecting on itself and never in nature can it again confound now the hunger has end but emptiness resounds
there is no beacon no guiding, bright star no golden ladder no sweet, lifting sound no thoughts of escape, this immutable space the nothing exists
but then solstice fire lit this place with no landscape reaching into nothing hope incandescent
collapsed and on my knees tattered moulds decomposed I’m gutted and carved free zeroed, I emerge new
in the transcending dark my soul did not depart I climb my way back up into birth, knowing that the conscious life springs from the soul of the dark night.
Editorial Comment - Nights, the hiding place of all things seemingly unreal, dreams, demons, and existential dreads. Nights, the refuge of all misfits, the drunk, the devil, and the driven. Nights, the haven of all things beyond meandering, masquerading and even meaning. Imagine this night in your soul, what do you do, if darkness engulfs that which is supposed to be the light? Jessica's poem here is a brilliant search for exactly that light in the "Dark Night of the Soul". She convincingly captures the dreams, the devil, the meaning, and everything in between. This poem will stay with you if you too are looking for a light.
When not helping people, teaching or looking after her young child, Jessica is curled up with her dictionaries, a philosophy book, writing poetry or buried in her record collection. She is a creative who is both an old soul and iconoclast, serious and playful, embracing idealism and pragmatism in the multiplicity of life.